129 Christmas Jokes For Christmas Crackers

Martin Goodworth

7 July 2025·9 min read

Searching for Christmas Jokes For Christmas Crackers that will have everyone laughing? Below is a collection of cracking Christmas jokes and classic xmas cracker jokes to make your festive celebrations a bit more jolly. Including many cheesy one-liners, all Christmas themed, these 129 jokes are perfect for filling your crackers and sharing at the dinner table this Christmas.

1. How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? - He was hooked on trees his whole life
2. What would you call an elf who has just won the lottery? - Welfy
3. What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake? - Tarzipan
4. What's the difference between Santa Claus and a knight? - One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh
5. Why are mummies such big fans of Christmas? - Because they enjoy wrapping
6. What do you call an old snowman? - Water
7. What's the difference between Batman and the Grinch? - Batman can go into Whoville without Robin
8. Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? - Carbon footprints
9. What do you get if you put a bell on a skunk? - Jingle smells
10. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? - He felt his presents
11. Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital? - Because he has private elf care
12. What does Santa spend his wages on? - Jingle Bills
13. What is white and minty? - A polo bear
14. What was the three wise men's favourite Christmas carol? - Oh Camel, Ye Faithful
15. What do sheep say to each other at Christmas time? - Merry Christmas to ewe
16. When is a Christmas dinner bad for your health? - When you're the turkey...
17. What’s every parent’s favourite Christmas Carol? - Silent Night
18. What did the farmer get for Christmas? - A cowculator
19. What can you call a polar bear that wears ear muffs? - Anything you want. He can't hear you
20. How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey? - On the dark side
21. What is the Grinch's least favourite band? - The Who
22. How is Drake like an elf? - He spends all his time wrapping
23. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? - Because their days are numbered
24. Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? - Beyon-sleigh
25. Why is the government like ancient Bethlehem? - It takes a miracle to find three wise men there
26. Which Christmas carol is about an animal with three legs? - Little Wonkey
27. What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? - Santapplause
28. What is Santa's dog's name? - Santa Paws
29. How do snowmen get around? - They ride an icicle
30. What do snowmen eat for lunch? - Icebergers
31. What do you sing at a Snowman’s party? - Freeze a jolly good fellow
32. Why did the turkey cross the road? - Because it was the chicken’s day off
33. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? - Horn-aments
34. What did the snowman say to the robin? - I have snow idea
35. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? - He was picking his nose
36. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? - It's Christmas, Eve
37. What do snowmen have for breakfast? - Snowflakes
38. What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave? - He gives them the sack
39. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? - He had no body to go with
40. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? - Rude-olph
41. Where would you find snowmen dancing? - At a snowball
42. How did Scrooge win the football game? - The ghost of Christmas passed
43. Where do snowmen keep their money? - In a snowbank

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44. Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill? - The National Elf Service
45. Why did Santa quit smoking? - Because it was bad for his elf
46. What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas song? - Jungle bells
47. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? - Frostbite
48. Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? - Because it soots him
49. Who says "Oh, oh, oh"? - Santa walking backwards
50. How can you keep your home warm this Christmas? - Tinsulation
51. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? - Tinselitis
52. What’s every elf’s favourite type of music? - Wrap
53. Why does your nose get tired in winter? - It runs all day
54. Who tells the best Christmas jokes? - Reindeer. They sleigh every time
55. What do you call Santa when he takes a break? - Santa Pause
56. Where do you find reindeer? - It depends on where you leave them
57. Who is a Christmas tree’s favourite singer? - Spruce Springsteen
58. Why is the turkey never hungry at Christmas? - It's stuffed
59. What does Santa use to bake cakes? - Elf-raising flour
60. Why did the choir have to cancel their carol concert? - They caught tinsel-itis
61. What do Santa's little helpers learn at school? - The elf-abet
62. Why did Santa go to music school? - To improve his wrapping skills
63. Why does Santa have three gardens? - So he can ‘ho ho ho’
64. What’s the best Christmas present in the world? - A broken drum—you just can't beat it
65. Why was the Christmas tree so bad at knitting? - It kept dropping its needles
66. Why did the turkey join the pop group? - Because he was the only one with drumsticks
67. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? - Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
68. Why is it so cold at Christmas? - Because it’s Decembrrrrr
69. What do elves use to take photos? - An Elfie stick
70. What do you call a greedy elf? - Elfish.
71. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? - Claustrophobia
72. What do snowmen wear on their heads? - Ice caps
73. What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? - A “Holly” Davidson
74. Why did the Christmas cookie go to the doctor? - It was feeling crumby
75. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? - An abdominal snowman
76. How does a snowman lose weight? - He waits for a bit
77. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost? - Because Frost bites
78. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? - Nothing, it was on the house
79. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? - Quit hanging around
80. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert? - Lost
81. What do you call a frog hanging from a ceiling? - Mistletoad
82. What did one Christmas tree say to another? - Lighten up
83. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? - Because the present’s beneath them
84. What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot? - Get out of my face
85. What do you call Santa’s little helpers? - Subordinate clauses
86. What do you call a cow at the North Pole? - An Eskimoo

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87. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? - A Christmas quacker
88. What does Santa use to clean his sleigh? - Santa-tizer
89. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? - He keeps a log
90. Why did the gingerbread man go to school? - To become a smart cookie
91. How do you know when Santa’s in the room? - You can sense his presents
92. Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? - He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone
93. How do you scare a snowman? - Point a hairdryer at him
94. Why don’t penguins fly? - Because they’re not tall enough to be pilots
95. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a baker? - Frosty the Dough-man
96. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? - Santa Clues
97. How does Santa take care of his reindeer? - He loves them deerly
98. How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? - He looks at the calen-deer
99. What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? - He got 25 days
100. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? - One that's deep-pan, crisp and even
101. What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? - Twerky
102. What athlete is warmest in winter? - A long jumper
103. Why did Santa’s little helper go in for counselling? - He suffered from low elf esteem
104. What do you give a dog for Christmas? - A mobile bone
105. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen at the auction? - Because they were two deer
106. Who delivers presents to cats? - Santa Paws
107. How does Christmas Day end? - With the letter Y
108. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? - A mince spy
109. What do snowmen eat for lunch? - Icebergers
110. What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave? - He gives them the sack
111. What do you call a blind reindeer? - No eye deer
112. How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed? - You've got three extra hoes
113. How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? - 25 - there's No-el
114. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? - Can you smell carrots?
115. Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? - The outside
116. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? - Santa Jaws
117. What's the most popular Christmas wine? - I don't like sprouts
118. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive on time? - One day my prints will come
119. What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh? - Santa going through a revolving door
120. What do you call a bankrupt Santa? - Saint Nickel-less
121. What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train? - Platforms
122. What do donkeys send out near Christmas? - Mule-tide greetings
123. Last Christmas I bought my friend a lie detector as a gift. - “Oh… I love it!” she said. “We’ll see,” I said.
124. I have this incredible ability to predict what’s inside a wrapped present. - It’s a gift
125. Why did Santa have to go to the hospital? - Because of his poor elf
126. Why did the red-nosed reindeer help the old lady cross the road? - It would have been Rudolph him not to
127. The Christmas jumper my kids gave me last year kept picking up static electricity. - I took it back and exchanged it for another one – free of charge
128. How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? - They spruce up
129. Why shouldn't you trust snowmen? They're always up to snow good